How was your Valentine’s Day? I hope you shared and received some love!
I intentionally waited to send this newsletter. So many people don’t like this holiday because they don’t have a spouse, soul mate, significant other, etc. Some even become haters of the holiday of love. Why?
More than likely, it’s because of a past relationship that wasn’t…the greatest. In fact, it can really trigger feelings that are totally unhealthy. For some, it’s simply because they aren’t in a current relationship, so…why celebrate?
And if you're in some type of relationship (even marriage!), you might feel a certain level of obligation to express feelings on this holiday that aren’t necessarily true.
For all of these reasons and more, Valentine’s Day can be a sad time for many.
Regardless if it’s around a holiday or not (and why does it have to be?), surrounding yourself with positive people that you enjoy spending time with, that bring value to your life, and you to theirs, is super important for your overall health, happiness, and well-being. And celebrating that, is what love is all about.
So let’s talk about love and relationships.
"Pullin' out my big black book
Cause when I need a word defined that's where I look
So I move to the L's quick, fast, in a hurry
Threw on my specs, thought my vision was blurry
I looked again but to my dismay
It was black and white with no room for grey
Ya see, a big "V" stood beyond my word
And yo that's when it hit me, that luv is a verb
Words come easy but don't mean much
When the words they're sayin' we can't put trust in
We're talkin' 'bout love in a different light
And if we all learn to love it would be just right
Hey, tell me haven't ya heard?
Luv, is a serious word
Hey, I think it's time ya learned
I don't care what they say
I don't care care what ya heard
The word luv, luv is a verb"
These lyrics are taken from "Luv is a Verb" by DC Talk. If you're not familiar with this contemporary Christian rock group...while not together anymore...check them out through the link below. They still rock for me!
According to research, being around positive people and having supportive friends can help you live longer. Nurturing these positive relationships is critical for a healthy lifestyle. Now I’m not talking about people-pleasing, or being dependent on always needing to be around people. I’m talking about who you spend your time with, and how you spend that time. And…how you feel about it.
With a new year, then a holiday like Valentine’s Day, maybe it would be good to do some relationship filtering and cleaning out. It could be very good for your health. Yes, on the typical Wheel of Life, or I call mine, The Wheel of Your Lifestyle, relationships is a vital life area that needs our attention for our best life.
Let’s take some time to focus in on whether the relationships you have in your life are healthy…or not.
While I’m one to focus on the positive, and always encourage you to see your life from a glass half-full perspective, when it comes to relationships, I don’t encourage clients to continue trying to turn every good thing about a person into an excuse to keep a bad relationship alive.
So we’re not going to focus on the negative here, we’re simply going to clean our lenses, and see things a bit more clearly.
Here are a few signs of unhealthy, toxic relationships:
- You come away from spending time with them feeling negative about yourself. Sometimes, this can even make you feel physically ill too.
- You feel that the other person depends on you more than is healthy and it leaves you emotionally drained.
- You don’t look forward to seeing them and you breathe a big sigh of relief when you can walk away afterwards.
- You don’t get much chance to contribute to conversations and you don’t feel that you’re being listened to when you do.
- They don’t seem to appreciate your successes, may not acknowledge them, and may even be jealous of anything good in your life.
- You’re the one that always steps forward, reaches out, tries to be in touch, and they’re the one that says what, where, when…if at all.
- You find yourself making excuses not to see them or avoid contact with them - often because of some of the signs that we’ve already discussed.
Can this be in your work environment too? You betcha! These don’t have to be your friends. These are simply…relationships, wherever they come from.
If you start to recognize that any of your relationships are toxic or dependent, how can you go about trying to move away from them?
Here are some Simple Step Solutions:
The first step is to put boundaries in place. Here are the key ones to set clearly:
The more toxic the relationship, the less of these you make available to them. The less of these you make available, the farther away from you they are. More of these…the closer. Make sense!
In other words, if a relationship feels unhealthy to me, that person will get less of my time. The frequency of our time together is less…and less. They won’t get much of my energy. There won’t be much money spent on making things happen, and I’m less likely to do so. I won’t be sharing anything that’s confidential, or much that is personal. Overall, we won’t be close. They won’t take up much space in my life.
Now hold on. This isn’t bitter or egotistical. I’m not being uncaring. It doesn’t mean I’m not “loving my neighbor.” I will always treat others with love and respect. I will always treat them the way I want to be treated. And it also means I’m being wise and using that wisdom to guard my heart and my mind.
To put it quite simply: I’m choosing to focus on positive people who lift me up, give me the right kind of energy, speak and bring life over me, and…I can do the same for them. Best part is, it is all very natural, authentic, and with love both ways.
Now it doesn't mean that I don't love people that don't love or use me. I do! Matthew 5:44 (KJV)
The next step is to stand firm. A toxic or unpleasant relationship isn’t likely to walk away without trying to get you back or hang on. Sometimes they need this type of relationship for their own sense of happiness.
It’s important to be aware and hold firm on your boundaries. I’m not talking about being paranoid or accusatory. Just be smart so there’s less chance that you’ll get drawn in again.
It’s easy to feel bitter towards a toxic person. It’s easy to have an unhealthy guard up in a toxic work environment. But these feelings and reactions can be super damaging for your own wellbeing.
Then step into forgiveness. Forgive yourself for allowing this to go on, or any negative contribution you've had. Aware or unaware. Forgive them for not being the friend you needed, or the part of the relationship you expected. Forgive the co-worker, boss, client…whatever…for what may have or could have taken place. Sometimes you just don't know what it is, and you don't want to be judgmental. And with forgiveness comes grace. Nobody is perfect. And you don’t want to set your expectations as guilt on someone else’s head.
And finally, take healthy steps to move on from the situation and relationship. How?
The majority of my clients come to me for other areas of their life, but seldom relationships. And many times, what’s keeping them stuck in the area of their life they come to me for, is the toxicity or unforgiveness they have around a relationship in one or more areas of their life. And this has gone unchecked. What that means is, we have to go there for them to achieve their best results.
Yes...moving on many times means getting help.
And while I’m not considered a “relationship coach,” because your live is full of relationships, the better you can show up in one, the better one you’ll have. That’s what we work on.
How you live life every day in a relationship, is your relationship lifestyle. Make it a healthy one for your best life…and health!
Remember that Valentine’s Day email wish I sent you on Valentine’s Day?
Yeah…choose to let your heart be light. And just as importantly, let your heart BE a light. Valentine’s Day isn’t the only day to celebrate love.
Now. Go spread some love in this world! Daily. You might just be healthier because of it.
Luv is a Verb, so rock this video HERE.
And if you'd like to check out the full lyrics to "Luv is a Verb" go HERE. This song is deep. I challenge you to go there.
So much goodness!
I am a co-author in a book collaboration that is launching next month! Check out the video teaser and learn about "Your Time is Now" HERE!
You'll want to pre-order on Amazon from my author page: www.amazon.com/author/denicarruth
And please feel free to share my author page to others who might benefit from these inspirational stories. I appreciate your support.
Now, for your personal lifestyle: While there can be up to 12 life areas when broken way down, I find that there are 6 major areas that cover most. Well...
How would you like to focus in on, and achieve uh-mae-zing results in these 6 key life areas in your life? How about with other like-minded peeps? And do this in six months!?
Then you'll want to request information and notification (without obligation) for my new 6-month group coaching program that starts March 2nd. And here's the kicker: I'm looking for 5 women to rock this at a super savings launch price for the first 3 months. I know!
Reply to this email with "More group coaching info!" in the subject line, and I'll send you the link to check it out. There's lots of great information, inspiration, implementation, and results to be had! You want your share?
The 6 key lifestyle areas we'll cover are:
- Mindset and emotional
- Health and well-being
- Personal development and Spiritual
- Career and business
- Personal environment
This is a group coaching program like no other! You'll have group and personal support. Get the details by replying to this email. Why not just give you the link? Because I want to see if you're serious about a better lifestyle, or just curious. And while there's no obligation for the information, I want the serious people in this program. Is that you? Then click "reply" and let me know!
P.S. I'll be sending out more info on the membership group coaching program. But right now...get the info. You don't want to miss your chance!
P.P.S. And do me a favor...if anything in this newsletter is wonky, let me know. My internet has been crashing off and on all day, and I'm hoping everything is included, makes sense, and links working! LOL
Onward and Upward!