Lately, what’s been coming up for my clients is…setbacks. Yep.
One’s experience was with her workout routine. After a short illness, she just wasn’t feeling it, and was discouraged by the thought of “starting ALL over.”
Another’s experience was with her work. She didn’t meet a project deadline (due to a team member not meeting their deadline), and felt that this would negatively impact their quarterly outcome.
And still another’s experience was with her business. She put a new offer out there, and…no takers. Not even one. Her thoughts were definitely along the lines of “baby with the bath water” for sure.
Notice the mindsets going on here?
Setbacks, as they each called their experience…don’t just slow you down. They can throw off the rhythm you’re working in, drain your energy, and make you question what you were SO sure about just days or weeks ago.
Am I right…or am I right?
And if you’re someone who leads, builds, and carries a lot of responsibility…oh my goodness… the weight of that can feel heavier than it should. You take on more because of who you are in your role. You…are more.
It’s frustrating.
Let’s take a different lens view on this, without discounting it. What if the setback is not the end of your momentum? What if it’s only a hiccup in it? What if it’s simply a disruption in it…and NOT a breaking point that leads to the questioning of your purpose and goals?
Does it REALLY mean you have to start ALL over, or that you totally will miss your mark, or that you should absolutely throw everything out?
The point I’m trying to make here is that, no matter how big the setback…how you respond to all of this is what determines whether you stall, breakdown, or…re-establish something stronger.
I believe that setbacks call us to see differently…think differently…and move differently.
And what I’ve learned personally, and help others walk through, is that every so-called setback is an opportunity for us to learn and shine...and step up.
Let's dig deeper.
Accept the Setback So It Stops Owning You
First of all…setbacks shouldn’t totally surprise us. And the moment you treat a setback like it shouldn’t have happened (to you), you add unnecessary pressure…on yourself and sometimes others.
Now you’re not just dealing with the challenge itself. You’re also dealing with frustration, self-doubt, and resistance.
That resistance can cause comparison and a blow to your self-esteem.
I believe setbacks are part of the process of…life. Not occasionally. Repeatedly.
It’s a mindset shift to accept that, and when you do…other things shift as well. You stop personalizing the moment and start seeing it for what it is…a point on your path, not a verdict on your capability or identity.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you like it. It means you acknowledge it, AND you’re not letting it define what happens next...or who you are. There. I said it.
Shift the Question From “Why Me?” to “What Now?”
It’s easy to replay what went wrong, and that’s okay…for the right reasons. The problem is that most people stay there too long. They get stuck in the shoulduh-coulduh-woulduh thought process.
I say, step away!
The better question…the one that actually moves you forward…is:
"What am I seeing in this moment? What is this 'time' trying to show me?"
There’s always information inside a setback! Don’t you just love that? 🙄
- Something that needs to be refined or realigned
- A pace that needs adjusting
- A position that needs stabilizing
- A decision that needs revisiting
- Or a truth you’ve been overlooking…
When you shift from the lens of failure and victim, to that of feedback and opportunity...you step out of feeling powerless. You’re no longer stuck in reaction. You’re back in entrepreneurship. Leadership. Ownership. A position of strength!
And from there...it's forward!
Rebuild Momentum the Right Way
This is where most people stumble. If they do choose to jump back in, they try to do it at full speed. Hot and heavy.
That creates pressure. What you want, is a new strategy.
After a setback, there’s nothing for you to prove. But when you “dust yourself off, and try again,” you’re rebuilding trust…with yourself first.
Here’s a tip: Start smaller than you think you need to:
- One decision you’ve been avoiding
- One clear task
- One steady step
- One follow-through that rebuilds confidence
These are what I call momentum builders. Are they big leaps? Nope. But they are intentional steps.
And those steps matter more than you think, because momentum isn’t created by intensity. It’s created by consistency. And yes…you can step back into consistency after a setback. Yes. You. Can.
You might need support…in fact, don’t leave home without it! But you CAN do it. 😎
Think about riding a bike. You’re not going very far with one hard push on one pedal. Not even one hard push on both pedals.
But what happens when you repeatedly push those pedals down…to the point where they seem to just…keep moving by themselves?
Momentum…from consistency. Keep pedaling!
Reset With a One-Two Punch
Setbacks have a way of exposing misalignment, especially when there’s a lot of emotion involved. What you thought made sense before might not fit the same way now.
That’s okay. That’s refinement.
Take the time to reflect:
- Was my approach sustainable?
- Does this goal still matter to me?
- What actually worked that I need to keep?
- What needs to change moving forward?
This is where clarity comes from…not from pushing through blindly, emotionally…but from pausing long enough to reflect, and realign from clarity.
Don’t worry about “feelin’ it.” When your direction is clear…your energy follows.
You see, there’s a difference between resilience and stubbornness. It’s called, adaptability.
Resilience says, “I’m still in this.” AND…
Adaptability says, “I’m willing to do this differently.”
Adaptability says, “I’m willing to do this differently.”
Because sometimes the setback isn’t asking you to try harder…it’s asking you to shift your mindset and your strategy. Time to give it a one-two punch!
Speaking of riding a bike…
When I was going through chronic pain rehab, one of the “performance” exercise markers was my ability to ride a stationary bike…balanced and well. I can’t even begin to tell you the pain or frustration that came from not being able to do such a simple task.
To make a very long story short…I had a stationary bike at home, and so…I practiced. I told myself that I could get better. I could do this. AND…I was willing to do it…differently. How?
I shifted my strategy filter…a therapeutic mindset. I would pedal so many rotations with both legs actively working, keeping everything in alignment…no compensations! Then, I would pedal so many rotations allowing my stronger leg to do the work, and the other to simply go through the motions…follow…without compensations.
Gradually, I increased the number of rotations that both legs were actively working, and only doing the active rest when I needed it…until I didn’t. 😊
I wasn’t "stubborn enough" to push through with emotion and grit.
I was resilient enough to stay in it, shift my thought process, and come up with a strategy that worked...for me!
The people who move forward well aren’t the ones who never get knocked off course. They’re the ones who know or learn how to recalibrate…sometimes quickly, but always wisely.
Restore Before You Rebuild
If you’re depleted, no strategy will work well or long. I learned that riding the bike as a form of exercise therapy.
You can’t think clearly, lead effectively, or move efficiently forward with intention when you’re running on empty...or pain. And yet, this is where high-capacity people feel they need to push the most.
Instead, ask yourself:
- What actually restores me? (Allowing my leg with nerve damage to rest while still being in a flow with the other.)
- Where have I been pushing without pause? (When I tried to force both legs to work the same.)
- What does my body and mind need right now to function well again? (Grace. Shift. Rest. Realignment. Support. Consistency.)
This isn’t fluff. Fluff won't protect or build you.
This is preparation and restoration.
When your energy is restored, your decisions improve. Your focus sharpens. Your execution becomes cleaner and more intentional. You can move forward authentically, efficiently, AND in alignment. BOOM! 💥
Create a Plan That Works Now
Not the plan you had before. Not the plan you wish you could execute.
A plan that fits where you are right now, means:
- Realistic goals
- Realistic expectations
- Clear next steps
- Authentic execution
- Repeated action
- Adaptability
- Space for…grace
It may seem like a lot. But...it's a process you're building.
You’re not starting ALL over. You’re starting differently. From a new lens. From experience and wisdom.
And that changes everything.
Here’s What I Know to Be True
You will find yourself in a similar place again. So, consider what the setback had to offer…what you learned…and carry that with you.
This is a growth mindset, and this is where growth actually happens.
Every time you:
- Recover intentionally
- Adjust wisely
- Move forward authentically…
...you build a deeper level of confidence. Not surface-level motivation…but grounded, earned confidence.
The kind that says:
"I know how to handle hard times. I can do hard things. I’ve done it before."
"I know how to handle hard times. I can do hard things. I’ve done it before."
My Encouragement to You
When you do have a setback, you don’t need to force your way back into momentum.
You rebuild it.
Rotation by rotation. Step by step. Decision by decision. With clarity...not pressure.
Listen...the setback doesn’t disqualify you.
It reveals where your next level is going to come from.
So, take the next step. Then the next.
Before you know it…
And if you need guidance and support stepping out of a setback into Wholeness...consider the Bridge to Wholeness Reset!
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I'll meet you on the bridge!
Deni
I believe:
- you were uniquely created by God
- your identity is key to everything you do in life
- you are here to make an impact...on purpose
- your impact has a ripple impact forward
- life and all of it's transitions, are best viewed from a bridge perspective
- life is better when you orchestrate it, vs trying to balance it
- you can live a healthy, whole life
- you can live a JOY-filled life
- I'm here to help
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